Below is a picture of myself and friends fake climbing a fence at a bar…yes, fake climbing…and I don’t even use Instagram. That’s a whole other ramble, though. I want you to notice how I’m a lovely sun-kissed tan color, the blonde hair has been shaved off, which is resulting in a Sinead O’Conner look, & my face, arms, neck, etc. are all noticeably more “swollen” compared to other images you may have seen on this site. I’m going to give you a whirlwind summary of my last few months in USA Today format, so excessive visuals have been included, in case you’d rather ignore all these words.
First of all, and this is no joke, if it weren’t for these few images, I wouldn’t be able to prove I even existed for 10 to 12 weeks during the warm season. So, this blog isn’t the only thing neglected in Liz Land. In fact, I was barely leaving the premises of my parents’ home, other than the occasional walk up the driveway to grab the mail.
In my defense, my Mum has created a perfect country home and you’d feel the same way if you visited. Chickens roam the yard all day, neighbors are nowhere to be found, a seemingly limitless amount of produce is supplied by a garden, & a man called Blair (my father) cooks delicious, lard based, southern style meals 3-4 times a week.
I even did some potting AND I like to think I was pretty darn good at it…
Here’s an example of my work…I know, I’m a potted flower genius.
Over here, we have a picture of a giant Luna moth. I’m not proud to admit that until my encounters with all
the Luna Moths that were around my parents’ house this summer, I never remember having seen one. In fact, I thought Lunesta made them up for a mascot. I was wrong.
A FEW WEEKS AFTER MY ARRIVAL, one of my best friend’s had a baby boy…and his name is POISON! His legal name is Clinton, but my fairy god-daughter, his 4-year-old sister, dubbed him “Poison” while he was just an Asian Eggplant sized parasite in her mother’s womb.
Obviously, that is hilarious.
Now, I’m usually not a huge fan of most small humans, but my FGD is, hands down, the cutest, smartest, wisest person under the age of 5 and baby Clinton will probably grow into something pretty awesome as well…
The child was named Poison for goodness sake…he had secured a spot in the land of cool before peacing out of womb-life.
Not long after the baby’s arrival, I decided it was time to leave the big city, take a summer off, & move to Denver….
So, I went back to New York for a few weeks, packed up all of my worldly belongings, then loaded it all into boxes, and hauled them all 5 stories down to my car…all by myself. On top of my place not being air-conditioned, this was done on the hottest day Manhattan has seen in decades. By the end of the day I had puked twice and had to drag my overnight duffel bag across the street to get it in there. THEN, to top off this day, the last view I saw when leaving my Harlem neighborhood was truly unforgettable.
After my ghetto booty sighting, I drove my fully packed vehicle, with zero visibility, through Manhattan rush hour, then up to Connecticut…I was headed up to see my favorite people on the Eastern Seaborg…
Sidenote- On my way out-of-town, I was flipped off, cursed at, & got death stares countless times (that I was able to see) in the 4 mile drive out of that borough.
But alas, I arrived to the cutest Norwalk apartment 2 lovers could want and again, all was good. Sorry for excess cuteness, but check these partners out in their awesome, little apartment, doing their awesome, little things-
Moving on…Because I love being near the ocean and on a beach more than most Baptists love thinking about hell, I had a lovely time. Jen (brother Bill’s significant other) has an awesome family, so it was great being with a fun group of immediate family members who actually spend a week together without anyone contemplating homicide.
After Pawley’s Island, I had big plans to spend all my time relaxing, and getting my head back on straight before relocating to Denver, the sunshine state…
Lucky for everyone, another wonderful thing happened to a long-time bestie that made me SO happy for her, but also for me because I got to be in Arkansas so I could be a part of a happy surprise engagement! Yep, the self-proclaimed “angel” in my hometown crew had a guy put a ring on it and all her nearest and dearest got to surprise her with a Mimosa Brunch that she stumbled into after calling everyone who was already aware. I acted like her big news bored me and that I had to go finish a sandwich so couldn’t talk. Muahaha!
Sidenote- WHY ARE ALL MY FRIENDS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES AND BEING GROWNUPS!???
Can anyone guess what my Chocolate Jesus chooses as his race/ethnicity on forms?
Before I know it, Chocolate Jesus and I were back from our cruise….↓
I was about to pack it all up again and head out west…
BUT that did not happen.back from my cruise. The day I returned from the cruise I found IVHQ and my perfect plan for me right now
Sorry, this was long one for me, but if you made it this far I’ll send you a gift card for a free thumbs up Also, here’s a picture of an actual CANNON that I came across in West Virginia, on my way to South Carolina
No doubt this was used in a Civil War Reinactmentt…wonder what the guy who owns that cannon’s life is like over there….
Summary- I never did get around to explaining what exactly made this summer so life altering, did I?